Facing Your Fears | Heidi Hanson Photography

Today when I was running (after my husband convinced me at 7:30am that it wasn’t that  humid out, yet….um yeah he was totes lying); I was debating about this blog topic.  We all have fears, some of them were created from childhood like being afraid of the dark or maybe the basement, sleeping with the closet open (yep I passed that one down to my daughter, oops sorry Berkeley).  Some are much more larger and complicated. 

Tomorrow I will be facing a big fear, a fear of failure.  

FAIL·URE  

/ˈfālyər/

  1. Lack of success.
  2. An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing.
  3. Me?

As I head back to work one last and time for a job that I left months ago.  In my other life I’m an event planner, I’ll be assisting a non-profit with their fundraising event for 200 people, outside, along the beautiful Long Island Sound.   

So what does my fear of failure have to do with this situation you may ask?  Well, I have to see my old boss.  The main reason why I am no longer employed at said place.  I briefly saw her yesterday when I popped in to go over final details.  The funny part is, she didn’t recognize me.  Once she did a double take with her jaw literally wide-opened, she immediately began grilling me on all the details for tomorrow’s big fundraiser.  I was vague and polite, the best I could do under the given circumstances because I really wanted to reach out and slap her across the face or give her a pile driver.  You know how there’s that one person that has that power over you; to make you feel insignificant, trivial, inconsequential, stupid, etc.  yeah she’s MY one person.  And tomorrow night, I have to deal with her, all over again.  While I won’t be working the fundraiser for her per se, it is for the organization which she is leading, so I will have to please her, perhaps kiss her ass, or at least make sure she is happy, right?  

 

WRONG!  I decided, not only during my run, but since I left this place months ago, I’m going to face my fears head on.  I’m going to do what I need to do to move forward.  So tomorrow night while I’m working, I will make sure the person who hired me is happy, has everything they need to be successful and not care about her and her happiness.  Tomorrow I will make a promise to not feel insignificant, stupid, trivial; I will stand up tall, feel important, valuable and not be afraid of failure. 

Oh and I think I mentioned this event will be right on Long Island Sound, in fact, the event is benefiting clean water, so the back drop is the Norwalk Harbor; so if things start to go south, I am not above pushing her into the harbor, it will of course be high tide and my biggest finale of all time. 

So for those of you out there with fears, no matter how big or small, stand up tall, look them in the eye and face them.  Look under that bed, sleep with the closet wide open, go into that basement with the lights off and push your ex-boss into Long Island Sound.  Because if you don’t you will live in fear the rest of your life.  

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xoxo

4 months and 400 MILES | Heidi Hanson Photography

This weekend I drove over 400 miles and loved every mile of it.  Okay well that may be a little minor lie.  I didn’t love the traffic that the lovely George Washington Bridge gave me both outbound and inbound, but other than that it was awesome.  Weekends like this remind me so much of why I love to do what I do.  Take photos of amazing moments in people’s lives.

 

My first stop was a in Matawan, New Jersey.  A town I literally couldn’t pronounce and had never heard of…but it was the cutest place ever.  I met with this great couple who had just had the cutest baby ever, Sophia. Or as I like to call her a 6 week-old little squeaker.  Her little cries were squeaks.  She was so angelic, very little peeps came out of her, except for squeaks.  Mom had the best outfits chosen, and I couldn’t wait to dive in. It had been a while since I rolled my sleeves up and gotten to see and photograph a newborn.

 

I forget how many amazing sounds, faces, movements they make.  Their tiny toes, fingers, coos, and sounds…all so breathtaking.  Almost makes you want to have another one….ALMOST!  

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Fast forward to yesterday, an engagement session for one of my fun 2014 couples. The swelter of Summer…the sweat I should say.  At the beautiful Wickham Park in Manchester, we trotted around almost all the beautiful gardens, my couple in their gorgeous clothes, and in me in my tank top and shorts, sweating as if in a sauna.  It was so hot, I really think that I was melting, but my couple looked amazing. The heat didn’t phase them, but I was so drenched it looked like I ran a marathon….And boy did it feel like it after walking most of the 250+ acre park via foot! 

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Even though I was soaked and sliding on my leather car seats on the drive home, it really made me reflect (as I was stuck in the horrible summer traffic), on how far I have come in such a short time and how far I have to still go.  So here I am nearly 4 months into this full-time adventure, and where am I at you may ask?  Well I’m still loving what I’m doing, still making it work, still making daily/monthly to-do lists (and trying to stick with them) and still having FUN.  400 miles of fun…

 

Shannon & Frankie Married | Weddings by Heidi Hanson Photography

To say that this wedding was one wedding that I was most looking forward to this year, is an gross understatement.  I literally could not wait to photograph Shannon and Frankie’s wedding day.  Maybe it was because when I met them, we instantly clicked. Or was it that we shared an infinity for peacock feathers?  Or was it that we just laughed our asses off at the engagement session when it was two below zero?  One may never know, but this couple is just so special.  They are just so real and fun!

I think I laughed the entire wedding day, my cheeks hurt so much!  Enjoy!Image

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Go Big or Go Home

Has always been one of my mottos since as long as I can remember.  Another motto is that I don’t really care much for first impressions, especially of what people think of me.  That may sound harsh but if people don’t like me vs. the clothes I’m wearing, shoes I have on, or the color of my hair, then I don’t really want them in my life anyway.

Again, that may seem really mean, but I’m at the point in my life where things are crazy enough that decisions have to be made where people fit and don’t fit within my life.  And  there’s no room for Judgey McJudgey pants (yep that is from Spongebob I think)!

Many of you know that personally 2013 has not been a good one for the Hanson’s.  Lots of tragedy, family issues and many more problems then we wish for ourselves.  Professionally however,  this has been one of the busiest seasons yet for me and I couldn’t be happier with the way business has been going.

For as long as I can remember, I like to be different, try to do funky things with my hair, wear different clothes, not be a follower.  I’ve always experimented with hair color.  Worst case scenario, it washes out, changes back…no biggie.

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So last night I went big, real big.  I went Big Blue!  And I love it!  (Other than my bathtub looking like Grover was murdered) So for everyone out there that is scared to go Big, I encourage you to do so.

Don’t care who stares, just live in the moment.  Life is too short to just sit around and wait and wonder, what if or regret not knowing what would’ve been.

Go Big or Go Home!

 

 

Last Day | Heidi Hanson Photography

Last Day, wait, I should say the first day! Yes, the first day of the rest of my life! Wow that sounds so cheesy! Well it is, right? The first day of a new adventure, becoming my OWN boss, moving into full time photography (and wedding planning), and rocking it out!  Okay, yes it sounds cheesy.  But I like cheese, really I do, any kind of cheese.  Especially gouda.

So while I’m sitting at my desk, doing very little ‘work’ I’m busy thinking of all the fun things I have planned, writing down all my big ideas, hopes, dreams, wishes, anxieties (of which there are probably way too many), but I am not going to let that stop me.  For too long I have been in the con column (you know the list of pros and cons).  Not today, girlfriend!

Today, I’m rocking it, standing tall and proud at my mere 5’5″, wearing my yoga pants and favorite orange Cape Cod sweatshirt (just to piss off my anti-sweatshirt boss).  With my feet propped up on the desk, enjoying a diet coke.  I am going to enjoy my Last Day, not let anyone stand in my way of this dream that is finally coming true.  And how fitting is it that on this day in 1950, Disney released Cinderella?  Her dreams of meeting Prince Charming came true?  (okay so if you know me you know that my daughter is obsessed with princesses and barbies and them always meeting their price charming) So it only seems fitting that today is the day that my dream starts to come true!

So today, on February 15th this is my last day, I bid you adieu and I am going to leave you with this image of Jaclyn and Rich rocking it out at their wedding. One of my all-time favoritest couples, who inspire me everyday, to be better not just at photography, but at life.

xoxo

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Take This Job And Shove It | Heidi Hanson Photography

Okay so those of you who have been waiting been anxiously awaiting for me to make my decision from last week’s post Decision Day, wait no longer.  After having really digested what my boss said to me last week. I mean really digested what she said.  She essentially said, hey you’re not good for the position, but no one else is, so I want you to  still work here because there’s work to be done and then when I find the right idiot that can do the work, I will kick you to the curb like a piece of garbage without warning and you will be left to pick up the pieces, and be basically SOL.  Ha!

It is still really hard to fathom someone actually saying something like that to me.  But alas she did say it.  So after being strung along like a puppet for over 5 months, You can take this Job and Shove it!  That’s right my friends, this so-called person who calls herself a boss, will have to kick someone else around, find someone else to do her dirty work, find someone else who isn’t perfect to do her menial tasks, a minion to run her paper pushing so-called development work. Ha!

I bid you adieu

While I do love it here, it isn’t my passion and I don’t deserve to be treated like dirt!

So on to bigger and better things. Thinking Bob Ross right now, and happy little clouds!

On to me things.

On to more time for family and fun things.

So from here on out I will be concentration 100% on my photography business and my wedding planning business

And being my own boss!

D Day (decision day) Heidi Hanson Photography

So today went exactly as I expected, very little sleep, huge wind/rain storm last night, power goes out at 4AM, everyone wakes up in the house at 4AM(we all sleep with sound machines so when they go off we all wake up). Everyone falls back asleep, 7:30 everyone wakes back up, 90 minute delay for one kid, the other has no school, still no power, huge meeting at 10AM with my boss (of which I will miss) due to the delay and will have to bring my 5 year ok daughter with me! Ha that’s fun for everyone! So rush everyone to get dress, remind them not to flush (we have well water), or open the fridge, bribe then with D&D and we are off! Our street of course looks like the typical war zone after a storm of this magnitude. Only have to do a few evasive maneuvers to get by trees and downed power lines, we are all experts now, especially after Sandy! We finely reach our destination pick out juice for the kids get in line and pick out donuts and I’m able to breathe for a split second, just a split. As I feel the anxiety creeping up inside my chest. I know the meeting I will not be there in time. I try to hack into the wifi luckily D&D has a guest user, thank you! My work is closed due to no power, another interesting sign, that my boss is there who lives over an hour away. So I quickly fire off an email telling her I will be late. Finish up D&D and head back home bc my son has gym and needs sneakers and of course he’s wearing his boots. I promise I will get to my decision, but I feel I must build up to it because this is kind of what my typical morning is like, everyday.

So again evasive maneuvers on the way back home, pass by a UI truck, do a little dance in my seat while sipping on my Dark Hot Chocolate, which is really tasty, props on that D&D! Grab the sneakers and then another evasive maneuver, new neighbors lost huge pine tree into the road. My other neighbor is out there sizing it up and assures me I can make it! Quick drop off at school and then head to work. Only got stuck behind one school bus, not bad!

Okay to the decision part. Well for those of you who have been following me, you know that since September my boss and I haven’t been seeing eye to eye. I was told in November my job had been eliminated, and it would be the end the year. Well fast forward to today yep 1/31/13 and I’m still employed. So in our big meeting, she tells me that while I don’t have the skills for the ‘new’ job nor does she think I’m invested enough for the new job; she also hasn’t been able to find a viable candidate to replace me either; shed like me to consider becoming the Acting blah blah blah/ whatever title it is.

Wow, I feel so honored! Thanks!!! (Insert sarcasm) So I told her I needed the weekend to think about it and is let her know, I bet you can’t wait to hear what my decision will be!

Stay tuned…..

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Ice Ice Baby | Heidi Hanson Photography

Admit it, you were thinking I was going full on Vanilla Ice.  I have been known to bust out quite a few lyrics from this awesome song 🙂  But this blog post is dedicated to the downright chilly week we’ve been having and the awesome ice on our pond in the front yard.  That I’m obsessed about.

Here are some photos I’ve been capturing this week.  Enjoy….


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And so the waiting continues | Heidi Hanson Photography

I guess it is hard to be patient.  I remember my grandmother always saying patience is a virtue and never really understanding what that meant.  Well now years later it is rearing its ugly head.  For many of you that know me, I have another life outside of photography.  Since November I’ve been going through a lot of job angst.  I’ve been working in the non-profit development world for 15 years now.  While I went to school as a Political Science major wanting to change the world, hoping to some day go to law school.  I quickly realized, like most recent college grads, I needed to be realistic…and find a job.   Changing the world would have to wait, or maybe it wouldn’t…. at least through my eyes at that time, it would translate into helping others through the world of non-profits.  So I quickly fell into the world of event planning, grant writing, fundraising and program development and it was exciting.  I know exciting (insert GEEK here).   So nearly 15 years later….I find myself still loving that world, while the organizations have changed from criminal justice to consulting to mental health to addiction services to nature, I still feel that I am making a difference in the world.

So flashback to last November.  Insert new Interim Executive Director who, lets just say politely, doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with me.  Well she tells me that I will be out of a job come the end of the year.  Shocking to me of course because it is right before the holidays; shocking because I thought I was going into a staff meeting; shocking because I was coming off such a high of running the most successful gala since being employed; shocking because well just shocking.  I remained so calm in what seemed like a 3-hour meeting (it really was literally 15 minutes long).  I listened to her tell me that they were going a different direction that they were focusing on different things and I could apply for the new position, although I probably wouldn’t be a good fit, most likely wouldn’t get hired, but quite honestly all I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU SUCK!!  I was in shock!   She was ripping my heart out of my chest  What did she know about me?  She knew me for less than two months.  She was judging me on nothing, it was all personal.  She hated me.  That is what it was all about.  I was amazed at how calm I was acting, no tears, nothing. I was so zen.  I thanked her for her honesty, took the new job description and that was that.

I grabbed my cell phone, purse and keys and headed to the parking lot.  I immediately called my husband and started telling him what had happened.  Then the zen was gone.  I was yelling, crying, every emotion you could imagine was flying out of me (luckily I wasn’t driving at this point, just sitting in my car).  He was happy.  He said good!  I’m like what?  He said this is the best thing that could’ve happened to you.  This is the push that you need to make your leap into full-time photography.

WOW.  Again, I was in shock.  I hadn’t thought of it in that way.   I was feeling so many emotions, so quickly.  It was such a crazy day.

Well, fast forward to present day, yes January.  And so the waiting begins.  I am still employed.   The Interim Executive Director has said that she was being a little presumptuous by saying she would have someone hired by the end of the year with holidays and all.  Well here it is almost the end of January and I am still waiting to find out my fate.  I feel as though I am being held hostage, I am stuck in a holding pattern just waiting to hear what is going to happen.  Just waiting to make that leap.  Just waiting to turn my dreams into a reality.  Just waiting……stay tuned