And so the waiting continues | Heidi Hanson Photography

I guess it is hard to be patient.  I remember my grandmother always saying patience is a virtue and never really understanding what that meant.  Well now years later it is rearing its ugly head.  For many of you that know me, I have another life outside of photography.  Since November I’ve been going through a lot of job angst.  I’ve been working in the non-profit development world for 15 years now.  While I went to school as a Political Science major wanting to change the world, hoping to some day go to law school.  I quickly realized, like most recent college grads, I needed to be realistic…and find a job.   Changing the world would have to wait, or maybe it wouldn’t…. at least through my eyes at that time, it would translate into helping others through the world of non-profits.  So I quickly fell into the world of event planning, grant writing, fundraising and program development and it was exciting.  I know exciting (insert GEEK here).   So nearly 15 years later….I find myself still loving that world, while the organizations have changed from criminal justice to consulting to mental health to addiction services to nature, I still feel that I am making a difference in the world.

So flashback to last November.  Insert new Interim Executive Director who, lets just say politely, doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with me.  Well she tells me that I will be out of a job come the end of the year.  Shocking to me of course because it is right before the holidays; shocking because I thought I was going into a staff meeting; shocking because I was coming off such a high of running the most successful gala since being employed; shocking because well just shocking.  I remained so calm in what seemed like a 3-hour meeting (it really was literally 15 minutes long).  I listened to her tell me that they were going a different direction that they were focusing on different things and I could apply for the new position, although I probably wouldn’t be a good fit, most likely wouldn’t get hired, but quite honestly all I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU SUCK!!  I was in shock!   She was ripping my heart out of my chest  What did she know about me?  She knew me for less than two months.  She was judging me on nothing, it was all personal.  She hated me.  That is what it was all about.  I was amazed at how calm I was acting, no tears, nothing. I was so zen.  I thanked her for her honesty, took the new job description and that was that.

I grabbed my cell phone, purse and keys and headed to the parking lot.  I immediately called my husband and started telling him what had happened.  Then the zen was gone.  I was yelling, crying, every emotion you could imagine was flying out of me (luckily I wasn’t driving at this point, just sitting in my car).  He was happy.  He said good!  I’m like what?  He said this is the best thing that could’ve happened to you.  This is the push that you need to make your leap into full-time photography.

WOW.  Again, I was in shock.  I hadn’t thought of it in that way.   I was feeling so many emotions, so quickly.  It was such a crazy day.

Well, fast forward to present day, yes January.  And so the waiting begins.  I am still employed.   The Interim Executive Director has said that she was being a little presumptuous by saying she would have someone hired by the end of the year with holidays and all.  Well here it is almost the end of January and I am still waiting to find out my fate.  I feel as though I am being held hostage, I am stuck in a holding pattern just waiting to hear what is going to happen.  Just waiting to make that leap.  Just waiting to turn my dreams into a reality.  Just waiting……stay tuned

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